Bisexuality is often attacked with a lot of huge misconceptions. Funny thing is, bisexuals are even the black sheep of the LGBTQA community. Part of the reason bisexuality gets such a bad rap and why so many are afraid to identify as such is because it’s associated with many negative connotations:
1. Bisexuals are confused.
2. Bisexuals can’t be faithful
3. Bisexuals are greedy/sluts
4. Bisexuality is a cop-out/phase
5. Everybody is bisexual (biggest lie since the tooth fairy)
6. Bisexuals spread more sexually transmitted diseases
7. Bisexuals are deviants
The list goes on and on. But bisexual BLACK men get the worst end of the deal. They suffer the most, as in the Black community your manhood is often determined by how many women you can bed. Being gay in the black community automatically, unfortunately, puts you on the low end of totem pole. I know, it’s shameful. Also, gay men and women often shun, out and proud bisexuals claiming that it’s just a phase and that many are just afraid to admit they’re gay. I must admit that I, too, used to turn my nose up at bisexuality.
My reason for doing so was because in my childhood, I witnessed my mother go through the trauma of finding out the man she was in love with and pregnant by, turned out to be down low. I’m not sure to this day if he identifies as bisexual or if he stopped hiding the fact that he liked men too. However, I witnessed and was a part of the devastation he left behind.
During my adult years, I also happened to end up in a relationship with a man who openly dated me and secretly sexed men. He and I got into many knock down-drag out fights about it because I simply wanted him to be honest with me and he couldn’t. He couldn’t even admit it to himself which was why normally after he acted on his lust and had sex with a man, he would come home, lock himself in the bathroom, throw up countless times, and then scrub himself in the shower. I could actually hear the man sobbing in the bathroom, but I couldn’t sympathize with him. Not then. One of the reasons for that was because he reminded me of the man who’d so long ago ruined the family I once had as a child. Another reason was because I was angry.
I had no idea what kind of demons he was dealing with. Many of us are forced into our sexuality at young ages by predators who force sex upon us before we’re old enough or mature enough to handle the consequences of it. Trust me, I know from experience. But I had no idea why he reacted that way after having sex with men and I was, selfishly, angry because he wouldn’t open up and tell me. In the end, he and I broke up.
We celebrate the gays and the lesbians, the trans, the queers, and even the non-binary, but when it comes to the B-word, many shun them, even going as far as to brush their sexuality under the rug. Since it’s sometimes easier for women to claim their bisexuality, I’d like to focus on the men, the black bi-sexual men.
They have the hardest time coming out with their sexuality. Quiet as it’s kept, on some fronts, being a gay black man is more acceptable than being a bisexual black man. In the Black community, people don’t be believe a man can be bisexual. He’s either gay, straight, or living on the down-low (the DL). In the Black community, if a Black man has hinted around to being even remotely attracted to men, all hell will break loose. This is why it’s so important that we be open minded and allow bisexual black men to live in their truths.
So my aim this year and many more to come will be to allow bisexual black men to tell their stories in a safe space. This is one of many articles I will post on the subject. After all, shouldn’t we all be allowed to live and love openly, and proud?
Nikki Michelle is an author and writer. Pick up a copy of her latest book Bi-Satisfied.